The Drunken Sailors That Aren't Really Sailors
by PrimarilyAbstract
Summary: What happens when Riku spikes stuff like water a BBQ sause? I can't spell sause... SOMEONE HELP ME! SO yeah... People get drunk... Some stuff happens... And some people get nekkid... And somtimes, people die! Um... R&R Please and.... TAKO HANA IS KEWL!
1. There's Somthing In The Water

The Story of Drunken Sailors that Aren't Really Sailors  
  
A/N: Hi all! I decided to make a random fic about KH peoples getting drunk off water spiked by Riku. This story has a moral: Never drink water out of a bowl at a party, or period.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't on KH. God, we hate disclaimers. We don't own anything here. Wait, do we own ourselves?  
  
Ez: I sold my soul to Square  
  
Zena: I sold half my soul to The Kenner God and the other half to Square... I think...  
  
Oh wait, we own Bob, the disembodied random voice.  
  
Bob: Hey! I own myself!  
  
Ez: No! We own you! BWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!  
  
Chappie 1: There's Something In The Water...  
  
Invitation to Random Party: You're invited to a party by Ansem the Druggie!  
  
Time: [Whatever day you read this on], [Whatever month you read this in], [Whatever year you read this in], [Random Time]  
  
Place: Ansem's Mansion-doodleie-thingieh  
  
Who's Invited: Everyone who isn't a sailor.  
  
Later at Ansem's Mansion-doodleie-thinieh  
  
Sora, Riku, Kairi, Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, Goofy, Donald The Random Voice Named Bob, Ez, Zena, Yuffie, Leon and Aerith: arrive at party  
  
Riku: has a needle, sneaks over to the water bowl and begins injecting Stuff in it  
  
Sora: trips over his own feet and makes Riku inject spike- thing into himself  
  
Riku: cussing to himself, walks away in a dark corner  
  
Ez: yawn, look at Zena I'm thirsty.  
  
Zena: brings her some water, takes a sip of her own Drink some water, It's delicious!  
  
Ez: takes a sip, stand on couch YO! ALL YOUZE PEEPS IN DA HIZZAY NEED TO DRINK THIS SWEET, FUNKALISHOUS WATER, FO SHIZZLE, MAH BIZZLE!  
  
Everyone: obediently drinks water  
  
Ez: BWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!  
  
Tidus: looks at Wakka  
  
Wakka: stares at Tidus Hey, good lookin'.  
  
Wakka and Tidus: begin making out  
  
Ez: eye twitching, staring at Tidus and Wakka It... BURNS!!!!!!!  
  
Leon: is asleep on the wall  
  
Yuffie: looks around, then begins kissing the sleeping Leon  
  
Donald and Goofy: sitting on couch, staring at Sora's feet, laughing uncontrollably  
  
Sora: What? What are you laughing at? Confused  
  
Aerith: rips off dress and runs around naked, screaming like a banshee  
  
Ansem: Woo hoo! Go Aerith!  
  
Riku: looks at Zena  
  
Zena: walks over to Riku Can I have a piggyback ride?  
  
Riku: I though you'd never ask.  
  
Zena and Riku: enjoy a piggyback ride together  
  
Selphie: clears the dance floor and puts down flat cardboard boxes, turns on techno music  
  
Kairi: goes up break dances very well, screaming slang in between spinning and break dancing moves  
  
Goofy and Donald: are still laughing at Sora's feet, Sora is still confused  
  
Aerith: is swinging on the chandelier, still naked  
  
Sora: is hit by a chandelier candle and his hair begins to catch fire but magically not burn, there's just a large flame there because he uses too much hair jell  
  
Wakka and Tidus: are now taking turns stuffing the blitzball down each other's pants  
  
Ez: eye twitching, staring at Tidus and Wakka It... BURNS!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: I hate my life.  
  
Riku and Zena: are in a different dark corner kissing  
  
Ansem and Aerith: begin to make out  
  
Wakka: leaves to hit on Selphie  
  
Selphie: while Wakka is hitting on her, she stares off into space (which is Wakka's face) Wakka, you're cute.  
  
Wakka: Really? You think so?  
  
Selphie: Ummm.... Yeah... jumps on Wakka, knocks him to the floor and begins kissing him  
  
Tidus: walks up to Kairi Hi Kairi I th-...  
  
Kairi: slaps Tidus Don you go crampin mah style, yo. This is mah dance floor and I'm keeping mah style, ya hear?  
  
Tidus: I said nothing about st-...  
  
Kairi: Don't even go there, yo. I know what youze was thinking. And yes, I do. So if you think that...  
  
Tidus: Kairi, you're strange, and also very cute  
  
Kairi: blank stare, runs away crying  
  
Tidus and Wakka: go back to their corner and continue the blitzball routine  
  
Yuffie: still kissingLeon  
  
Selphie: gets out her jump rope and goes near the kitchen, tries to jump but falls to the ground, repeats drunken tries at rope skipping  
  
Kairi: watches Selphie and laughs when she DOESN'T fall  
  
Ez: drinking all the rest of the water and getting really drunk  
  
Bob: That girl is really drunk...  
  
Sora: puts out head fire Yeah but you know...  
  
Ez: dancing oddly and singing Simple and Clean off key  
  
Tidus and Wakka: switch from blitzball to make out  
  
Ez: eye twitching, staring at Tidus and Wakka It... BURNS!!!!!!!  
  
Aerith: Goodbye my love! Jumps on chandelier and sings with Ez  
  
Ansem: falls to knees NOOOOOoOOoOOOOOOoooooOOOOO!  
  
Ez: steals Sora keyblade and giggles  
  
Sora: confused my pocket feels funny.  
  
Bob: Sora, the drunken girl stole your keyblade.  
  
Sora: Really? Cool! I mean, Hey! Give that back!  
  
Ez: Neva! Catch! Throws keyblade up to Aerith  
  
Aerith: holds keyblade with feet, walks around on chandelier on her hands and sings pop goes the weasel  
  
Ansem: sings along  
  
Leon: wakes up, throws Yuffie on the floor and looks up at the sky WHY MUST THE DEAD FISH SWIM IN THE PLASTIC BOWL!  
  
Zena: stops kissing Riku for 1 second O.o kisses Riku again  
  
Leon: continues making out with Yuffie now on the floor  
  
Wakka: goes over to Selphie Let's play chess!  
  
Selphie: Okay!  
  
Wakka and Selphie: sit down at the chess table  
  
Selphie: sucks on a pawn  
  
Wakka: stuffs chess pieces down his pants  
  
Selphie and Wakka: make out  
  
Ez: eye twitching, staring at Tidus and Wakka It... BURNS!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: watching Leon and Yuffie kiss each other  
  
Selphie: I think we should start seeing other people...  
  
Wakka: Okay... walks over and kisses Tidus  
  
Ez: eye twitching, staring at Tidus and Wakka It... BURNS!!!!!!!  
  
Kairi: Shut it, foo. Slaps Ez, break dances some more  
  
Aerith: still holding keyblade Catch, Ez!  
  
Ez: catches keyblade Yay!  
  
Sora: Can I please have it back?  
  
Ez: Only if you make me a Tapeblade AND a piggyback ride.  
  
Sora: pulls out a Styrofoam key covered in tape and hands it to Ez  
  
Ez: FWEEEEEEEEEEEE! Huggles blade, gets a piggyback ride and gives Sora back the keyblade  
  
Sora and Ez: both sit on the floor and drool at their blades of things  
  
Zena: stops kissing Riku for 1 second O.o continues kissing Riku  
  
Partying continues for a few hours because Riku set off some gas bombs and nobody could breathe so everyone fell asleep  
  
EEEEENNNNNNNDDDDD  
  
Hey! That's the end! Please review or we will sick the dreaded... thing... upon you! BWEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!  
  
Next Chappie: This Sauce Tastes Funny... 


	2. This Sauce Tastes Funny

The Story of Drunken Sailors that Aren't Really Sailors  
  
A/N: Welcome to the beach barbeque! Aerith ACCUALLY wears clothes this time, but to, our displeasure Wakka doesn't... My eyes burn thinking of it... Anyways... Lets begin sings The Whistle Song DAMN YOU DDR! Well, I love DDR but that song is annoying and I get it stuck in my head. Note to all, if you have a problem with Wakka and his stupidness, keep reading. But seriously, 1337 is spoken in this chappie, so if you can't understand it... LEARN! FWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Chappie 2: This Sauce Tastes Funny...  
  
The whole gang and them peeps totally got over the party and had no hangovers. Aerith then hosted a barbeque and everyone came to the beach and did things...  
  
Aerith: Welcome everyone!  
  
All: Hi!  
  
Aerith: I'm cooking Steaks, Hot Dogs, Chicken, burgers, veggie dogs, veggie burgers and tofu steaks.  
  
Zena: Yay veggie!  
  
Riku: sneaks over to the barbeque sauce and injects Stuff into it, then runs and splashes in the water (He's wearing black swimming trunks)  
  
Sora: makes him inject himself with stuff... AGAIN  
  
Zena, Ez, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Leon, Yuffie Tidus, Wakka and Selphie: get in water and play  
  
Ansem: is wearing a suit Hi Aerith!  
  
Aerith: Why are you wearing a suit? This is a barbeque! Wearing a pink bikini  
  
Ansem: Barbeque? I though you said business meeting! I'm gonna fire that idiot elf...  
  
Aerith: Calm down Anne, It's okay. Cooks meat and tofu  
  
Zena: wearing a black one piece with a skirt splashes Riku, giggles  
  
Riku: splashes back  
  
Leon: swims out too far because he hates all people and wanted to be alone and is about to be eaten by a shark  
  
Leon: HOW DARE YO EAT MY FLESH AND BONES! YOUR AIR CONDITIONER WILL NO LONGER WORK!  
  
Shark: shrugs and eats Leon  
  
Yuffie: is wearing a green and yellow bikini, gets out of the water and starts crying at the loss of the hot, single man  
  
Mickey Mouse: randomly comes (wearing nothing) and joins Yuffie grieving the loss of the hot, single, man with belts, lots of belts  
  
Aerith: squirts BBQ sauce over everything on the grill  
  
All: eat some meat ((except for Zena, She eats a veggie burger))  
  
Ez and Zena: This BBQ Sauce is great! It tastes like that water I had yesterday and... Have a spasm because they're not supposed to remember that  
  
Wakka: takes off orange swim trunks and dances in the water  
  
Ez and Zena: stops spasm Oh... dear... god... my... virgin... eyes... they... burn... SOMEBODY GET THE SANDPAPER! Twitch, faint  
  
Riku: gets a bucket of water and helps Zena  
  
Sora: wearing pink heart swimming trunks that look remarkably like boxers, rushes to help Ez  
  
Ez and Zena: revive and all go back into the water  
  
Selphie: tries to drown Tidus in very shallow water  
  
Tidus: is so retarded that he drowns  
  
All: pokes Tidus's body with a stick  
  
Wakka: makes out with Tidus's dead body  
  
Ez: MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAR GOD GET THE SANDPAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Z: So many people are dieing, it's odd...  
  
Ez: Maybe it's turning into a horror movie! grins and puts on her Fruits Basket Yuki hat  
  
Z: agrees and puts on the Kyo hat  
  
All but Ez and Z: confused  
  
Ez and Z: dance around singing the Chobits theme song  
  
Z: Wait! Wait! Wait.......STOP! This is supposed to be KH fanfiction!  
  
Ez: Still? Man we need to get out more.  
  
Z: don't let this turn into unanswered questions of...KH, Fruits Basket, FLCL, and a bunch of other random junk(like Tako Hana! 007!)  
  
Ez: ...  
  
Z: .........  
  
Ez: puppy dog eyes  
  
Z: sighs fine, fine.  
  
Suddenly Haruko, on her Vespa, flies over the sun while Mickey Mouse begins shooting at her with a huge machine gun until she falls  
  
Mickey: That'll teach the British. Hoo.  
  
Ez: ... I want a Sora Plooshie and a Yuki Plooshie and a Bernie Plooshie and a Kairi Plooshie and a...  
  
Everybody but Sora and Ez: Shut up!  
  
Ez: cries  
  
Long Silence  
  
Z: ......I want a Nine Plushie.  
  
Riku starts to cry, and everybody stares  
  
Z: .........I mean ANOTHER VEGGIE BURGER. Yeah. Cough   
  
Ez: Woo yeah! Just Gimmie some straight up BBQ sauce!  
  
Everybody else: joins the chatter and fun  
  
Ez: lays down in the surf and tries to make water angels  
  
Z: stare at Riku RIKUUUUUU!!!!! Glomps Riku and makes him fall over  
  
Chi: randomly appears and gives everybody a doughnut Come to Tirol bakery! Gifts and prizes for everyone! Disappears  
  
Ez: munches on doughnut like a maniac  
  
Wakka: dies because he is ugly  
  
Seymour (AKA Sexy Tree Man): randomly appears I need to take this moment to say...  
  
Ez: SHUT UP TREE DUDE!!!!!!!!  
  
Wakka's Ghost: Racist!  
  
Ez: Shut it, you're a racist!  
  
Wakka's Ghost: Oh... Right... disappears  
  
Sexy Tree Man, I mean Seymour: TAKO HANA ROCKS!  
  
Ez: nodd  
  
Ez: looks at large green button on grill  
  
Z: busy sitting in a corner, talking to a makeshift Nine plushie  
  
Riku: watching, crying  
  
Ez: pushes button  
  
Aerith: 74i9 70 453)0 y0u 7-i... 4i7 4 iui73.. -0 pr3553) 7-3 1337 8u770?  
  
Ez: r4i535 -4) y0.  
  
Aerith: 5-435 -34), pr35535 8u770  
  
Z: I don't think this part is very funny...  
  
Ez: That's cuz I wrote it!  
  
All but Ez and Sora (That kid loves meh!): sigh, animae fall  
  
Ez: Did you know, that I have a hat that looks like Yuki?  
  
Sora: wide eyed, shakes head  
  
Ez: And I have a really cool picture of you in my room, Sora!  
  
Sora: wide eyed, drooling  
  
Ez: hugs Sora  
  
Ansem: I want to have a rave next chappie, that'd be funnnnn!  
  
Aerith: I'll bring he gram crackers!  
  
Ez: Gram Crackers?  
  
Aerith: You'll see...  
  
EEEEENNNNNNNDDDDD Hiya! Ez here. Sorry if the part after Chi comes isn't funny, I wrote it. I'm moving like, now, so I probably won't be writing for a while. I actually do have art of Sora in my room, it's awesome! And I actually do have a Yuki hat! huggles hat We love Yuki! Yuki! Love love love love love love love YUKI!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Next Chappie: A RAVE! Nuffin more said... More Non-KHness... Haruko may even show up! 


End file.
